When the immortal celluloid “Robin
Hood: Prince of Thieves” flickered onto my television screen last
year, I got quite excited. Carefree days of sixth grade came
flooding into my mind, so I decided a re-viewing was in order.
It was rubbish.
It was typical, arch Costner replete
with florid dialogue, a full-scale Swiss Family Robinson tree house
in twelfth century Britain and Brian
Blessed dying very early. Let's not even mention Celts making
the unlikely silent pilgrimage from Wales to England's Midlands so as
to attack said treehouse.
And the less we talk about Costner's
mullet, the better.
However, re-watching left me in no
doubt as to the film's best line, delivered in a cadence that
linguists can only describe as Ultimate Rickman: “Locksley
… I'm gonna cut your heart out with a spoon!”
In contrast, the novel “The Princess
Bride” features the Spaniard fencing wizard Inigo
Montoya. After watching his father cut down by the evil Count
Rugen, the boy Inigo spends his entire life practising sword fighting
so as to take his revenge. By the book's conclusion, Inigo cuts out
his opponent's heart out so deftly, so precisely, that Rugen is able
to keep fighting until the killing stroke. Montoya had planned this
so Rugen could experience the same as heartbreak and pain he had felt
as a boy.
So why is this relevant?
Because Spain, the best international
team we've seen in years,
have played throughout Euro 2012 balancing uneasily between the two.
The Spanish midfield conjures memories of Inigo Montoya's ruthless
precision, while their conversion rate (11.9%) exhibits spoon-like
execution. Rather than Spanish forwards merely lacking a sharp edge,
for all their time in possession – 221+ minutes over four games –
la Furia Roja have
mustered only 67 shots. In comparison, semi-final opponents Portugal
have had the ball for only 166 minutes for seventy shots.
Like Inigo Montoya,
Xavi, Iniesta and Xabi Alonso cut the heart from their opponent; but
when it comes time for the killing blow, they discard Montoya's
magnificent weapon and pick up a Rickmanesque
spoon.
Going
back over Euro 2012, we've
posted several times about Spain
failing to adequately capitalise upon their possession. With
David Villa missing, manager Vicente del Bosque hasn't used Fernando
Llorente, apparently distrusts Alvaro Negredo like a bent bishop
while Fernando Torres has regressed almost into a glint in the eye.
Their continued dominance while carrying baggage like this is nothing
short of amazing. Even devoid of top class strikers they are
indomitable – but not undefeatable.
The time has come
for del Bosque to use his squad depth. It is time for Llorente, the
target man who looks like an inverted pyramid and whose finishing
instincts (and
luxurious bouffant) have him desired across Europe. It is time
for Spain to stamp their authority on Euro 2012 and well past time
for Spain to put away Rickman's spoon.
