Because everyone else does it: Deadline Day winners and losers

Winners

Barcelona: Don't they always win? Even when selling good players, they come out on top.  They got money for players they were unlikely to use much in Bojan and Oriol Romeu, yet have the option of re-purchasing both if they succeed at their new clubs. With Roma's Giallorossi now hoping to model themselves on the Catalans, Bojan could be a big success. With Raul Meireles signing as well, Romeu won't get the same playing time at Chelsea but is a very different - and thus more valuable - player to the pass-and-move merchants Barca habitually produce.
 
Roma: After years of financial peril, the red half of the Eternal City suddenly has a revitalised squad sporting the likes of Simon Kjaer, FM2011 star Fernando Gago, the aforementioned Bojan and most interestingly, perennial next big thing Miralem Pjanic. While neither team from Milan will be sweating on a Roma title challenge, they should have the quality to take points off the best this year.

QPR: To nab Joey Barton and Shaun Wright-Phillips within a week of the transfer window closing means their relegation is no longer a nailed-on certainty but only quite likely. Barton is one of the top ten central midfielders in the country, while SWP is perhaps the most underrated overrated player in England. Anton Ferdinand could prove, like his dietary habits, feast or famine in central defence.

Fulham: Martin Jol poached Zdenek Grygera on a free from Juventus to help shore up a backline which has been effective in Europe but awful in the Premiership. They also managed to secure ₤10.6 million-worth of Costa Rica's Bryan Ruiz from FC Twente. Ruiz is so good he could cause carnage in front of goal - and in nightclubs - over the whole country.

Losers

Newcastle: Twelve months ago, Andy Carroll was the hottest property in England. Now, the ₤35 million is gathering lint under Mike Ashley's pillow. They needed a striker, nearly got Modibo Maiga in real trouble from Sochaux, were beaten to the punch on Ruiz and also didn't replace their departed second-best goalscorer, Kevin Nolan, or best creator, Barton. Pity an impressive collection of midfield talent with no-one Shola Ameobi to pass to.

Spurs: They got Scott Parker, and retained an unhappy Modric, but couldn't reinforce an ageing and leaky defence. Daniel Levy's stones for keeping a malcontent player (albeit one with five years of his contract to run) are admirable, as is manager Harry Redknapp's fantasy world where Emanuel Adebayor won't simultaneously explode and implode for a whole season. Lassana Diarra would have helped them.

Luka Modric: Wants to play Champions' League football and as a player deserves to do so. Perhaps though, he isn't as mentally strong as you'd like, after offering to withdraw his services from last weekend's match against Manchester City. This has lost him the respect of many Spurs fans, the chance of a natural resource-fuelled pay hike and football at the highest club level. It's safe to say his gamble - if it was one - backfired.

Nottingham Forest: A pre-season contender for the Championship title suddenly finds themselves needing to outperform simply to tread water in a strengthened division.  Not only did they fail to strengthen as needed at the deadline, but also nearly lost their manager, Steve McClaren.

Giving it a red hot go

by Balanced Sports columnist Ben Roberts

ESPN.com recently ran a story about Boston Red Sox third baseman Kevin Youklis, who they described as the definition of the 'blue collar athlete'. Youklis is a hitter not taken to niceties, he has a job to do every game and will give his all every time he steps up to the plate.¹ Working hard to make the pitcher work even harder and get himself on base, Youklis may not put up the performances that win awards, but he can be relied upon to get himself on base a high proportion of the time. Getting players on base is something my own San Francisco Giants appear destined to continue to fail at while they remain dedicated to sticking with the highly paid and under-motivated.

Despite being an Australian and therefore morally (and spiritually) bound to never allow Americanisms to enter my vernacular, I have to defer to Uncle Sam in this instance as I reckon their word for the type of player Youklis is just about perfect. Youklis is a 'Gamer'. A gamer relishes competition and the heat of the moment when they need to be relied upon. They 'have a crack' or give it a 'red hot go' always and this is their strength.

On one of the few televised games of Major League Baseball that enter the Australian airwaves I was able to watch Youklis and his Red Sox play against the New York Yankees that included another player who works hard at bat and maybe (at least to my untrained eye) meets the definition of a gamer, Nick Swisher.² Swisher like Youklis makes the pitchers work to his strengths and does not tire of doing the un-dramatic such as drawing walks.

I remember watching the NBA during the Michael Jordan era and being surprised that among the flashy skills of players like Jordan, Karl Malone, Scottie Pippen, or Tim Hardaway here was this white guy³ making all-star teams and holding his own. This white guy was Chris Mullin, and he was a gamer too. Mullin's gamer effort was as much about his work on the practice court as it was in game play. In honouring his elevation to the Hall of Fame Grantland.com called Mullin a dying breed, a rarity not blessed with natural athleticism who made the grade. Mullins drive to succeed and develop his skills took him to the top of his sport.

Jumping across to the most notable of the world games leagues the EPL and we find gamers there too. Unlucky not to secure all the major individual awards for last years Premier League, Scott Parker proved to be a larger than life character for West Ham as they fought to retain their place in the top flight. Parker routinely was the only reason why the Hammers managed to secure points throughout the season because he was always up for the fight and was willing to grab his team mates by the scruff of the neck to do likewise. Unfortunately it was all in vain⁴.

Newcastle's⁵ Joey Barton is another player always up for the fight, though he is an example of erring on the side of going over the top, and probably the aging Phil Neville. Both players were potential targets of both North London clubs who need hardening up this year if they stand any chance of finishing above 5^th and 6^th in the league.

You may begin to get the feeling that the definition of a gamer is restricted short on natural talent or natural athleticism but gets the most out of what they do have. This is not true. Moving to our third continent we find a phenomenal gamer who has both the huge amount of natural talent, and athletic capability.

Chris Judd in 2011 continues to prove that he is the best player Australian football has currently, and will finish up at the very least in the top ten of all time. All followers know how amazing his skills are and his athleticism and strength are amazing, but his insatiable desire for the contest is what drags him to be a cut above the rest. West Coast won a premiership because of him, and Carlton stand a chance of winning one in the near future for the same reason. Take him out of either team and they may still be a chance, but I reckon he almost doubles the chance of any team he plays in.

Looking back into history you find Michael Jordan, the greatest on the hardwood of all time and a serious gamer. Take the opportunity and watch his 'flu game' in the 1997 championship series against Utah. The only reason the Chicago Bulls won that game was Michael Jordan. Illness stripped him of his usually immense physical capacity, yet his drive to win dragged his team over the line. Even the greatest of skills and athleticism can get taken to the next level.

I love watching these players in any sport. They are the reason why we as spectators enjoy the contest. I wrote recently about my favourite cricketer of all time Allan Border, without him I would not have witnessed the great success of the Australian cricket team.

We owe these gamers the most respect in the games they play.

1 First time in my life I have ever used this phrase literally rather than figuratively.

2 Previously only notable to me for appearing in an episode of 'How I Met Your Mother'.

3 With a buzz-cut tribute to Dolph Lundgren.

4 Trouble is that no matter how great Parker was, Avram Grant was more than equally bad.

5 Just.

Game 12: Blackburn Rovers at Newcastle

Wednesday's Premiership encounter between Blackburn and Newcastle was a match between two solid, physical teams - only to be expected from a Sam Allardyce squad and a side fielding Mike Williamson, Andy Carroll and Kevin Nolan. It ended, as it begun, with a Newcastle United lapse in concentration costing them a goal and with Blackburn taking the points at St. James' Park as Newcastle's home form turned from middling into mediocre.

Another loss to mid-table opposition at St. James' Park suggests last year's bastion remains just that: a thing of the past. This Rovers team are perhaps the most well-suited side to defeat a Newcastle team that this year has thrived on three things: physicality, a solid midfield and a mature defence based on positioning and efforts of will rather than on athleticism. The form of Andy Carroll so worried Allardyce that he employed three centre-backs rather than his standard pair Ryan Nelsen and Christopher Samba. It was a winning move even though the man they sought to stop, Carroll, was still Newcastle's most threatening piece in a chess game less about guile than about out-and-out battlefield slaughter. As Hughton's queen (it's the hair, you understand. Oh and also his ability to wreak devastation on opponents) he was less-supported by his wide men as in recent matches even though the whole side was quite Andy-Conscious. He was able to convert a header from a Barton free kick all but ensuring a worthy England call later this week.

The Newcastle midfield receiving plaudits for its form this year were outplayed. With Barton, Nolan and Tiote not a trio ever to be mistaken for Happy Feet they were not so mcuh outhustled as outclassed as Rovers wide men Brett Emerton and Morten Gamst Pedersen proved effective against a midfield so effective three days previously against Arsenal.

The two goals resulted from simple lapses in concentration from Tiote and Mike Williamson. Joey Barton had a lapse in concentration of a different kind: he will be suspended for his gut-punch to Pedersen after presenting a restrained, mature front for a third of the season. Fans and managers alike were hoping that this newfound maturity could last - even though he has shown remorse his actions once again call into question his temperament. Indeed, that maturity may well be the watchword for the Toon this year.

This season has been and will continue to be a year of maturation for the Newcastle United squad and for the faithful. They sport - for the most part - a more wise game plan than when they were relegated. Mike Ashley has justifiably refused to offer The Understated One a long-term contract as a result of one year's effective management. It appears caution is the watchword on Tyneside and it would appear to be working.

Just as in life, maturing doesn't happen as the result of a decision but of experience: ask any parent. Rather than an alchemical process where a mentor adds ingredients and suddenly lead is turn'd to gold, the obtaining of wisdom is gentle steeping which increases in richness and flavour as the subject is exposed to it. The process starts, there are ups and downs and the result is due to the journey rather than any decision made along the way. The journey maketh the man. Perhaps it's similar of Newcastle United this year: the journey needs to maketh the team.

Game 11: Newcastle United at Arsenal

Yet more questions awaited Newcastle United as they visited Arsenal on Sunday.

Further questions of Andy Carroll and his off-field behaviour. Further questions about whether Fabio Capello could select such a player - irrespective of form - for his next Three Lions squad. Further questions regarding Carroll's ability to continue pushing the controversy to one side and keep performing. Yet more queries of a Newcastle United squad smooshed by Arsenal just a fortnight ago in the League Cup - the same defeat starting recent speculation about Chris Hughton's continued employment on Tyneside. More importantly, would we get to see The Understated One's horse-riding happy-dance again? Another conundrum in the makeup of the Magpies back four: Simpson, Perch or the recovered "Who-Boy" Taylor at right-back? Williamson, Who-Boy or the dichotomous Sol Campbell (is he fit, is he not?) to partner Coloccini?

The second-last question proved the easiest to answer. After last week's brilliant showing in the Tyne/Wear derby, manager Chris Hughton - sporting a very unusual haircut, grey on one half of his head and black the other, perhaps influenced by Barton - decided to maintain the same lineup that spanked the Mackems.

Answers to the others would take the full ninety minutes.

Early gambits were mainly to the benefit of the North Londoners: Fabregas cannoned a deflected free kick off the crossbar and Nasri was thwarted by superb Tim Krul shot-stopping. Arsenal then paid the ultimate penalty for their inability to convert their offensive dominance as Andy Carroll soared above two Arsenal defenders and helpless 'keeper Lukas Fabianski to head home his sixth Premiership goal of the season. After the game, both managers praised the horrible-hair'd self-styled Bad Boy for his mobility and goal sense.

The efficacy with which the Toon dropped men back during the second half simply forced Wenger's usually stolid face into a moue of displeasure as time and again his Gunners proved unable to break down their Magpie opponents. As has been their habit this term, Joey Barton and Cheick Tiote were crucial in their ability to both win the ball and distribute it well to the effective flank play of Gutierrez & Kevin Nolan. Their steel and discipline - yes, I just wrote "Joey Barton" and "discipline" in the same sentence - has been, alongside the form of Nolan & Carroll, the most resolute of Newcastle strengths since their elevation into the exalted Premier League ranks. Nolan - uncommonly more conspicuous in the defensive box than at the offensive end with startling effect - was instrumental in maintaining the Toon lead, an advantage cemented once and for all when during added extra time Arsenal defender Laurent Koscielny held back Toon youngster Nile Ranger and was shown a straight red. Wenger's men now numbered only ten and any hope of victory began to evaporate.

The duality of Newcastle United has again surfaced. In the space of three weeks, they been subjected to a rumoured re-take-over by former chairman Freddy Shepherd, threats to the continued tenure of a well-performed and well liked Manager, a superstar who can't stay out of the Tabloid gossip columns but yet they still are performing, sitting fifth in the Premier League tables. The fans are becoming more vocal after a rather unostentatious start to their resurrection to Premier League football. A quarter of the year gone and the undeniable talent has emerged and is playing at close to it's potential.

We have some answers. But still there remains questions. And that's why we love football.

Surely now?

A match against arch-rivals proving the ultimate testing ground for an under-pressure manager. Theatre has been scripted along these torrid yet predictable lines since the days of the Greek tragedy. A drama written in the stars with the same inevitability as another Rocky sequel or JK Rowling penning another Harry Potter novel.

Yet it was this familiar situation in which Newcastle United found itself before their weekend North-East derby with Sunderland following lengthy speculation over Chris Hughton's job-security. Rumour-mongers presented the same hackneyed storyline: a poor showing or even a spirited defeat at home could perhaps cost The Understated One his job.

The match belonged to Newcastle's front line. Hughton opted to start Andy Carroll and Shola Ameobi alongside one another for he first time this term; captain and part-time live-in-babysitter Kevin Nolan moved from his typical second striker role to a place in midfield. It was to be him that benefited from the Carroll/Ameobi pairing as time and again he found himself unmarked in the right place at the right time. In fact, the entire game could well be described as coming at the right place at the right time - a home ground at which the Toon Army have so far struggled at a time where their manager is under "friendly" fire for the first time in 2010.

Sunderland were simply unable to cope with the athleticism (!) that Newcastle displayed in front of their home fans. The superb Joey Barton and the irrepressible Jonas Gutierrez were magnificent in creating aerial opportunities in the Wearside box, chances that the Black Cat defence was thoroughly unable to repel as the muscle and pace of Carroll and Ameobi perpetually drew their opponents into horrible positions. It wasn't just the pace of the Broadsword Brigade up front - though it was directly responsible for both the penalty and Titus Bramble's red card - but Carroll/Ameobi's ability to get themselves up for second and third probing runs that created the malarkey in the Sunderland half.

The man to benefit was Nolan. The captain - who's nose for goal has never been questioned - was unmarked in the penalty area so often that if he hadn't been everywhere all day, his hattrick could be thought of as effortless. The Sunderland forwards were unsighted thanks to a midfield performance so ineffectual that it beggared belief: unable to control the ball and unwilling to match the gut-running that marked the Magpies' game. Jordan Henderson must be cursing that it was in this match that England Assistant manager Franco Baldini came to scout him. The confusion that the twin strikers were able to spread within a bemused Sunderland defence was equalled only by the utter ineptness of the Wearsiders' physicality and concentration. Apparently they didn't want to mark Carroll's babysitter.

Surely now Chris Hughton has earned a new contract. Surely now, Mike Ashley? His side has come out in support, most notably Barton this week and Nolan after Sunday's match. Other league managers have done so as well. It's rare that you see a Manager under such boardroom scrutiny yet not from either the terraces or the newspapers. It's certain that a few of the more low-brow English tabloids would love a change of management at Newcastle if only for increased newspaper sales - but only a crazy person would excise the normalcy brought by The Understated One for the bombastic actions of a Joe Kinnear.

The ball, Mike Ashley, is firmly in your court.

Why are we even smelling smoke?

Rumour has it that Chris Hughton is nearly cannon fodder. The tabloid gossip-mongers have recently suggested that he's one of the next managers on the chopping block should the Tyneside club fail to improve recent performances. Yesterday, the Newcastle cognoscenti rebutted that gossip and began talk about extending the EPL's least-paid manager.

But there's no smoke without fire.

Perhaps that's unfair. Once a few years ago, I awoke at 3am to the smell of smoke in my bedroom. Not having anyone to verify/refute my nasal competence and being unsure of where it was coming from, I phoned the fire brigade and was greeted five minutes later with four fire engines and about thirty firemen. They too smelled the smoke, made a quick recce and decided some teen had lit a local bin afire and trotted off back to base. My point is this: we don't even need smoke to get panicky. All we need is a hint of smoke and suddenly everyone mobilises so quickly you don't know what's happening.

You can draw the same parallels with hints that a board may be replacing a manager.

So why is there a smell of smoke on Tyneside? A 4-0 defeat to Arsenal arouses some suspicions, but surely ones put easily to bed considering Toon's defensive astuteness this year. It would be ungenerous to lay blame at Hughton for one poor game, especially one featuring a Magpie midfield of teens Tamas Kadar and Haris Vukcic alongside "gimp squad" members Danny Guthrie and Alan Smith. That they allowed all four goals in the final forty-five minutes is perhaps cause for concern - but this forgets one thing: it was the League Cup and therefore should be inconsequential.

Of greater concern is their inability to win consistently at St. James' Park but even after nine games (total), to fire a coach because they've lost twice and won only once at home is almost laughably intolerant.

To look at Newcastle United's regular midfield is to see quality. Ivorian Cheick Tiote has proven an astute signing, Joey Barton is probably approaching career-best form (I may rot in hell for even posing this question but: England? Probably not, but it's not something you can dismiss automatically any more) and Danny Guthrie, their best midfielder both of the last two years, is returning to fitness and form. There's been calls for Andy Carroll to represent England while Kevin Nolan has been his usual industrious self. They aren't shopping goals. They're scoring at a fair rate. They've been competitive. They've been (relatively) disciplined. Yes, they've missed Guthrie, Steven Taylor and Steve Harper, but their replacements have all proved more than adequate.

That the press are suggesting that he is on borrowed time at all is incredible. Even more remarkable is the tone in which this is being done. It's not one of persecution, a la Gary Megson, Gianfranco Zola or even Phil Brown. There's a tenor of evenness combined with a smidgen of disbelief because popular opinion has Hughton doing a good job. Popular opinion of this NUFC squad is that it's reasonable. Calling it above average would be a stretch. Chris Hughton knows it, the media knows it - hell, the fans even know it. hat the players have come out in support of their boss shows that they know they aren't a team of world-beaters. How and why the boardroom don't appear to grasp this amazingly simple concept is puzzling and ultimately, everyone also knows it's "the prawn sandwich brigade" who sign the manager's cheques.

Newcastle United sit ninth on the Premiership table after nine games. They sit amidst elevated company such as West Bromwich Albion, Bolton and local rivals (and next opponents) Sunderland. Surely even a smell of smoke is both premature and alarming for a club enjoying it's longest period of stability in over three years.

Andy Carroll charged with assault (again)

As sad and tragic as it is, it's also unsurprising on the morning check of the world football websites to see the headline “Carroll bailed to stay at captain Nolan's house”. As a young footballer, Andy Carroll has immense promise and myriad physical gifts. As a young man, however, there certainly seems to be a lack of either common sense, luck, or temper-control.

It's disappointing for two reasons: first off because it involves Carroll (again); secondly because Newcastle appear disinclined to punish him (again). Last year he allegedly broke centre-half Steven “Who-Boy” Taylor's jaw over a text message found on Taylor's phone from his ex girlfriend. Shortly before this he was cautioned for assault for being involved in an affray outside a Newcastle nightspot. He's also awaiting trial for glassing a patron at another Newcastle pub. Either the young man has serious alcohol issues, an inability to stay out of trouble, serious anger issues, or a disturbing combination of all three. That two of his recent fracas have involved ex-girlfriends means that he takes women very seriously or not seriously at all - to paraphrase (badly) Wilde, "Once could be considered misfortune, while twice could be considered careless". To put it mildly, Carroll is guilty already of carelessness.

This latest allegation – again involving an ex-girlfriend of the England U21 star – involves him allegedly assaulting her in the very early hours of Sunday morning at her Tyneside home. Appearing in the magistrate's court in Newcastle on Monday, he listed his address as a hotel room and was bailed to stay at the home of club captain Kevin Nolan, except on nights where Newcastle United have to play away from home.

Whether he's guilty or not, Carroll is palpably guilty of a lack of common sense. Should he not be guilty of anything other than being involved in a private situation that got heated, he should have enough nous about him - especially given his bail status - to avoid either side escalating the situation to violence (he is currently defending his stance as being self-defence). Carroll needs to mature, otherwise he risks losing everything that his extraordinary body and talent have blessed him with.

Perhaps the magistrate who's bailed Carroll to stay at Nolan's is thinking both of community welfare and of the striker's. Nolan is a hard worker and a professional, an element of the game that Carroll obviously misunderstands - spending a number of months watching a true professional prepare can only benefit him and this seems a wise decision from afar.

Andrew Carroll is now a serial offender and there's the real possibility that he, like teammate Joey Barton before him, will serve time for his actions. In the past, Newcastle United have seemed reluctant to discipline their prodigy and in this case, part of, and perhaps all, the discpline has been meted out by the courts of law. This is a dangerous precedent for the club, but given NUFC's "live and let live" policy it's understandable that the magistrate felt he had no other option.

Game 5: Everton vs Newcastle United

It's taken all of 62 minutes for Hatem Ben Arfa to prove his worth to Newcastle. His wonderful strike against Everton has turned English admirers-from-afar into disciples. The goal was magnificent – controlling the ball, wrong-footing two opponents and firing a left-footed screamer into Tim Howard's top corner. It was a inescapable, masterful piece of football genius and one for which the crowds of Marseille perhaps are pining given their sputtering start in Ligue 1.

That on his full debut for Newcastle he produced such magic is only to be expected, really. There's never been any debate about his footskills, with more questions raised above shoulder level than below. His elegant manner on the ball is only emphasised by his nuggetiness and ability to stand up in the challenge. His goal proved that his left foot especially is a cannon.

The more unexpected comment came to me this morning with ESPN Soccernet's headline: “Hughton hints at permanent deal for Ben Arfa”. I'm sorry, what? This is a headline? Of course they're looking for a permanent deal, he's the most naturally skilled player – and probably the most talented player – the Toon have had since Alan Shearer turned 30. Why wouldn't you try to sign him? For Newcastle, the loan deal for Ben Arfa was never a “try before you buy”, but more Ben Arfa getting a free look into life Tyneside before committing to becoming Andy Carroll's competition for the title of Next Messiah. Unable to meet Marseille's straight-up asking price over the summer, they'll have to pony up the pounds in January (or at season's end) to keep him. That they have first option to buy is a very encouraging sign as his performances as “feature” player in the Toon midfield could well pique interest in the Frenchman.

That his full debut was accompanied by that of Cheick Tiote can hardly have hurt HBA. The Ivorian was superb as he completed all of his 43 passes and provided a strength and mobility in the midfield which the game-but-overmatched Alan Smith has heretofore unable to provide. With Smith undoubtedly the weakest link in the centre of the park and Danny Guthrie yet to return, the fervent Toon Army hope is the troika of Tiote, Barton and Guthrie are able to keep Smith from the side, as disappointing as that would be for such a likeable sort.

In an otherwise uneventful match, the Toon defence looked solid – as usual – and the pace on the flanks stood up well after having looked slightly misguided over the past two matches; Routledge had a good chance and it appeared the Toffee fullbacks were at times unable to cope with his and HBA's speed. Mike Williamson and Fab Coloccini again showed their mettle against forwards completely devoid of jinks and tricks – as this season has shown, Beckford's pace could well have troubled the pairing but they were able to cope with minimum of fuss. That they were also able to nullify the aerial prowess of Marouane Fellaini must go down as another feather in their caps; however a slightly smaller feather as the other Evertonian bombardier Tim Cahill was injured and unable to play.

The biggest question raised by Saturday's match though concerns the Goalkeeper. With Steve Harper going down at the thirty-fifth minute with a shoulder injury it left young Tim Krul to hold the fort. Highly rated by the Newcastle coaching staff, this may be the opportunity he requires to step up and show he has what it takes to replace Harper long-term. Rumours abound the Magpies are in the market for a new goalie – Shay Given, anyone? – but there are a few question marks concerning Shay's potential Tyneside return. Surely Given must be conscious of the old adage “Never go back”? And secondly, the Newcastle defence has been served well with the vocal, organised Harper where commanding a defence ranks below shot-stopping on Given's list of attributes. The position for the short term is Krul's to lose; though he's thought well of, there are bountiful question marks about his ability not necessarily to stop shots, but to command and organise a defence – in that way he, like Given, is a very different type of keeper to Harper. That Coloccini and Sol Campbell have some of these administrative skills is a plus and takes some of the pressure off the 22 year-old, but Harper has been crucial to the defensive watertightness that NUFC has attempted this year, so the changeover itself could be a destabilising influence.

Game 3: Newcastle United vs Wolverhampton Wanderers

What do you need to be successful in the English Premier League?
a) A burning hatred of Liverpool?
b) Pockets the size of small black holes?
c) An iron bar underneath your jersey
d) A recidivist superstar?
e) All of the above

It turns out that the answer is e) - capacious pockets and the not-so-secret key, while larcenous crowbars are important in thriving in the world's richest league. Joey Barton, for one, can swear to it after being the victim of several tough challenges on Saturday. As Wolves manager Mick McCarthy said after the game: “Really, Joey”? Without doubt the greatest positives to come from the game for the NUFC faithful came from those moments: firstly, that the team has stones to stand up to the physical pressure applied, coupled with the maturity with which Barton handled his rough treatment, the orders for which can only have come from Wolves' leadership. A new start for Toon? Is the immaturity that's marked the last 20 years replaced in one fell Championship-winning swoop?

Nothing in this game disproved what we already know about Newcastle United this season. Firstly, that they have both the talent – especially with new boy Hatem Ben Arfa and extraspecially with rumoured new alum Robbie Keane – and the wherewithal to defeat the teams needed to in order to remain in the top tier. Secondly, they have the size needed in order to defer any of the physical beatings the established clubs may want to administer.

The best case in point I can come up with stems from last Monday's Liverpool vs. Manchester City match. In central midfield, the Citizens fronted up Gareth Barry, Nigel De Jong and Yaya Toure against the Reds' Steven Gerrard and Lucas – and even disregarding the numerical advantage, time after time the Reds were pushed off the ball by bigger and stronger players in the clinches. The result was 3-0 to the Sky Blues and was marked by one particular incident where Liverpool new boy Milan Jovanovic bounced four metres after incidental contact from Micah Richards. That the Magpies have size in midfield is a plus – any young upstart club could easily have folded with the physical pressure applied by Wolves. But this size and subsequent unwieldiness can be to their detriment defensively: Coloccini & Mike Williamson are much better at defending large target men rather than smaller, pacier centre forwards and the ease with which Ebanks-Blake's wrong-footed them for his goal directly represented this lack of agility. James Perch was lucky not to concede a penalty and his direct lack of pace when opposed to Matt Jarvis was also to blame.

Andy Carroll's monster header gave the Toon the equaliser they deserved after Sylvan Ebanks-Blake's 43rd minute goal – proof that Carroll is in the form of his life. Should his career arc continue on this upward trajectory then he should make a name for himself playing for the Three Lions, but talk of him as the best partner for Wayne Rooney is perhaps premature. Kevin Nolan again proved as cunning as usual in his forward machinations, able to create space and time in the box (making him sound like a TARDIS) in a manner not quite exactly unlike Carroll. His profligacy in the goal mouth however disappointed but gives hope he can be a 10-15 goal forward this season. That two of last week's stars, Routledge and Enrique were quieter was unsurprising given the physical sacrifices they've made to generate the speed required to play their type of game.

Hatem Ben Arfa signs for Newcastle

Saturday 28th August

Newcastle United sign Hatem Ben-Arfa on loan

To overestimate the importance of this deal would be impossible. In Ben-Arfa (HBA) the Magpies have suddenly acquired the dazzle they need to go with their razzle, the salt to go with their already-ample pepper and the touch of class needed in order to make this season a success.

There's no doubt that HBA is a technically skilled and proficient player; in fact he automatically assumes Kevin Nolan's role as the creative hub of the side (eeew – I just wrote the words “Kevin Nolan” and “creative hub” in the same sentence), but his game does come with a few downsides. First of all, he's a notorious head case capable of destroying dressing room harmony in as much time as it takes for Steven Taylor to get injured. Secondly, he's a lightweight player in the same vein as fellow Marseille product, Samir Nasri. His lack of stature is of secondary importance however as in Nolan, Smith & Barton he's surrounded by several big bodied players able to both take physical punishment and should needs arise, defend him; in fact having a small-bodied creator should provide enough offensive change-up that this potential drawback can only be labeled “potential” rather than “as certain as Joey Barton is mad”.

To say he becomes the jewel in Newcastle's crown is misguided – there really aren't any other jewels on Tyneside to which he can be compared – just a bunch of solid players. Chris Hughton seems to have taken the “Every dog has his day” approach – and assembled a bunch big, solid hounds in midfield, hoping that on any one day an outstanding Kevin Nolan or Joey Barton game can see them competitive. But Ben Arfa's different, a wonderfully-skilled player capable of perhaps unlocking regularly the better defences in the Premiership.

His attributes aren't really the point here. What's going to prove crucial to the fortunes of Newcastle and their supporters is whether HBA is able to harness his immense talent in this Magpie side. ESPN's Bill Simmons has long purported the “Knucklehead theory” where any team is able to have one clown without trouuble. But as soon as that side invests in a second knucklehead, they play off each other creating malady after malady for management. Ben Arfa comes with “damaged goods” stamped prominently across his shipping crate, why else would Marseille have let him go? His well-documented dalliances with “suits” and teammates alike – he's come to fisticuffs with at least four separate teammates and hasn't spoken to Marseille manaager Didier Deschamps for six months – prove he has at best the temperament of a pro athlete, at worst that of a badly spoiled child. Mis a healthy dose of this into ample helpings of Joey Barton and Andy Carroll? The challenge for Toon management is obviously now to balance his top-drawer skills with his bottom-drawer attitude, and Hughton's the kind of “players' manager” who could either bring out the best in HBA or simply be fried by season-long exposure to a loaded ballistic missile. Suffice to say the season of Newcastle just got more interesting.

Game 2: Newcastle vs. Aston Villa

Game 2, 22nd August 2010
Newcastle United vs. Aston Villa

What had previously been promised has now been delivered. 6-0! With performances like this, Newcastle will surely end the year Champions of Europe!!

A truly emphatic victory yesterday for the men in black and white, especially as they were missing probable first-choice defenders – Sol Campbell the latest victim of the flab monster while Steven “I'm not a Doctor Who character” Taylor once again has shown all the resistance to injury of uncooked pasta. Unsurprisingly it was defensively the Toon looked most suspect as Villa initially were able to exploit the backs for pace; the inevitable calamity came with both central defenders and goalkeeper Steve Harper played tortoise to Ashley Young's hare and the subsequent concession of a lazy penalty. Fortunately, the spot-kick was taken by John Carew and the ball is still gaining velocity somewhere between Mars and Jupiter.

As the game wore on Newcastle's size and strength came to the fore against a lightweight Claret lineup unable to cope and the signs for the season are promising as they attack the division armed with chest-and-facial-hair sporting men's men and not skinny kids with horrible hair (sorry, that should read "and not skinny kids"). And Alan Smith who's some grotesque but likeable combination of the two.

Enterprise from the wide position s has long been a staple of success on Tyneside and yesterday was the same. Enrique, Gutierrez & Routledge all looked overmatched their last times out in the top flight, so it was quite surprising that it was from there that much of the thrust to their offense came. That they had a presence centrally at which to aim can't have hurt – Andy Carroll and his horrible hair delivering on four years of potential to present an immovable object (at least for Richard Dunne & Ciaran Clark) front and centre.

Given Chris Hughton's stated desire to move away from the 4-4-2 formation as immutable on Tyneside as track suits & chip butties to explore this year's “buzz” formation, the 4-2-3-1, I find myself asking if this is wisest given yesterday's win. Without getting carried away (obviously I'm not a 'Pies supporter) the lineup did as needed on the day and the relative safety and comfort afforded by the tried-and-true 4-4-2 could provide some refuge against sides not prone to disappearing at the slightest physical pressure like Aston Villa. The latest buzz-formation is fine but buttering bread is a simple task and as such, formations should be simple as well. Allowing Carroll to hold the ball up and involve his midfield mates, especially Kevin Nolan, is key and health, confidence & sanity willing he should provide the offensive fulcrum they can use to ensure safety.

The centre of midfield is the greatest question mark with back-row-of-the-bus boys Alan Smith and Joey Barton (complete with highly dubious moustache) vulnerable to the counter – the rumoured signing of Ivorian Cheik Tiote may provide the athleticism and mobility required mid-field. Also, given that he is – and let's be fair – a massive tool, anyone who thinks Joey Barton can stay out of trouble and injury belongs on the same short bus as Mike Ashley and Joe Kinnear.

A lesser stated reason for optimism is in their overall experience. This meant they weren't overawed playing at home in the top flight against a team playing in Europe. This team, if they believe it, has the bodies to avoid thumpings from even the very best and if that self-belief holds (and the win yesterday should have bought them a month full of confidence at worst) the club should ask enough questions of the mid table to survive and promise hope for future years.

All these positives can't hide the shadowy question marks over some aspects of the Magpies this season – they're only a Carroll injury, the inevitable Barton brain-fart and a likely Sol Campbell spontaneous combustion from Mars-rover type disaster – but signs point to them having enough about them to resist the slide back into the championship. An encouraging way to start the home campaign.